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Jesus Is Watching

You must worship the Lord your God, and serve him alone (Luke 4:8) First Sunday of Lent

Late one night a burglar broke into a darkened house that he thought was empty, with the owners away on vacation. As he stealthily slinked toward the living room, a voice suddenly rang out from the darkness: “Jesus is watching you.”

The burglar froze in his tracks, but hoping he had only heard a voice from a passing car, slowly crept forward when again he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”

Now thoroughly spooked, he pointed his flashlight in the direction of the voice as a birdcage with a parrot inside slowly came into focus. In barely a whisper he asked, “Hey little birdie. Was that you who said Jesus is watching?”

“That's what I said. That's what a said,” squawked the parrot.

Astonished by the bird's banter, the intruder probed further, “So what’s your name, Mr. Parrot?”

The bird chirped back, “I'm Clarence! I'm Clarence!”

“What a crazy name for a parrot,” taunted the thief. “What kind of a nut names his bird Clarence?”

To which the puffed up parrot answered, “The same kind that names his pit bull, Jesus.”

Several years ago, the Washington Post published an article titled, “God Speaks From Above.” The reporter described a national public service campaign in which messages from “God” were displayed on billboards and bus-shelters in various cities. The campaign was sponsored by an anonymous donor who contributed $150,000. In the donor’s words, “I wanted to remind people of God, especially people who used to go to Church and for some reason don’t go anymore, which is a sizable number.”

Among the billboard and bus-shelter messages from “God” were the following:

“I don’t question your existence!”

“Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.”

“Have you read My Number [...]

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Stories you can use...

We've got a million of them (well, almost).

Politics, Procreation

“God blessed then, saying to them, ‘Be fruitful, multiply’” (Genesis 1:28). From the “good old days” in an oil-rich Texas boom-town, comes the story of a local tycoon who presented his fellow citizens with a beautiful park-site with a large lake in the middle of it. A special meeting of the Town Council was called to offer a vote of thanks to the generous benefactor. One of the Council members, inspired by the dim recollection of a travel folder he had seen, offered a suggestion. “I propose,” he said, “that the town acquire a number of gondolas.” Whereupon the following exchange took place between the donor and members of the Council: “Gondolas? What for?” “For the lake.” “What good will they do?” “My friends, a few gondolas will enhance the natural beauty of the lake and make it more picturesque.” “Okay, let’s have gondolas!” “Let’s order two.” “No, make it a three.” “How about a dozen of them?” Then the wise old Mayor spoke up: “Members of the Council, the proposal concerning gondolas appeals to me. I think it’s a fine idea. But as you all know, I’m for starting cautiously, just the same way we started this town of ours. Start small, and grow from the ground up, I say Gondolas by all means! But not all at once. I suggest we import only two, a male and a female, and let Nature do the rest.”

Sin

”...though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be like snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.” (Isaiah. 1:18). A preacher put this question to a class of children: “If all the good children were red as beets and all the bad children were white as snow, what color would you be?” Little Mary Jane replied, “I’d be streaky!” deMello, A. “The Song of the Bird”

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